Celebrations

Day 20:

Today Baby J is four weeks old! We make a pretty big deal about birthdays ( and really anything worth celebrating) in our family. If we could celebrate birthdays for a week, I would. Recently my daughter threw a fit after her birthday about not getting enough presents, which was very much not true. My Cambodian guilt kicked in and I felt the need to help the girls understand how much we have. I found an organization  called Pop Up Birthdays that provides personalized birthday boxes for kids in foster care that may not otherwise get to have a celebration. This allowed us to have a healthy discussion about how some kids don’t even have the means to have parties, much less have gifts. The program requires donors to provide a “party in a box” with a theme of the child’s choosing, party décor, favors, snacks, and a gift that the kid wants, needs, and reads. The girls have already asked to do another box- so we may do them for the months of their birthdays.

Positive Thought of the Day: Having everything we need and its a long weekend with a lot of family time planned!

Introverts and Quiet Leadership

Day 19:

I posted about doing something that scares you recently and I want to talk about one that I  embraced head on- presentations and being vulnerable, especially in a work setting. My natural state is introverted and I’d rather create the presentations than present them myself. I decided a few years ago to face my discomfort head on and intentionally find opportunities to present. Since then I have presented on several all employee webcasts, leadership trainings where you are grilled in front of a mock board, and high level executive meetings to pitch ideas.

On a more fun note, one year ago today I presented at our annual users conference on embracing your natural leadership style, and specifically how introverts can be leaders too. The interest was surprisingly overwhelming ( two packed room sessions) and my co-presenter and I were asked to present our topic several more times since then. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that at a technology company full of engineers, there were introverts dying to learn more about leadership and finding camaraderie in others. So on my one year anniversary of this topic,  I thought I would post the highlights here for those introverts that might have an interest in the topic or the extroverts that might like some insight into the other half.

Up to 50% of the world is made up of introverts:  As such, we cannot afford to be missing out on ideas of a significant percentage of the population or only give credence to the louder half. Introversion/extroversion is now a part of the diversity conversation in a world that has trumpeted our more extroverted counterparts. Many of the most influential and creative people in the world are actually introverts- for example, Steve Jobs ( can you imagine a world without an IPhone) or Rosa Parks (critical in the civil rights movement). Embracing both introverts and extroverts is important for continued innovation and evolution of society. Quiet by Susan Cain is a great resource on this topic.

How One Recharges is the Key Differentiator between Introverts and Extroverts:  I am constantly surprised at how many people have misconceptions about introverts vs extroverts. You cannot necessarily tell an introvert from an extrovert by simply observing them. Many successful actors and seemingly gregarious people are in fact introverts. Extroverts have a preference for more stimulating environments, while introverts prefer less stimulating environments and require quiet to recharge after periods of a lot of activity. My personal test of where you are on the introvert/extrovert spectrum is what I call the Friday night test. On a Friday night after a long week in the office- do you want to go out with friends or prefer a night in? The fact that I prefer my Dateline or a book and to be alone ( read: no husband, no kids, no one talking to me) is a key indicator that I’m an introvert. But once my batteries are recharged- it’s game on and I can perform at my best.

Self-Care is Important, especially for Introverts: Recharging is critical to an introvert being able to be the best version of themselves and perform at their highest potential. We introverts need to pay attention to when our batteries depleted so we can recharge. During busy conferences I often make time for myself whether it’s a walk, coffee break, or even quick nap to recharge before I put my extrovert game face back on. When things get particularly “noisy” at work, I know I need some alone time to adjust my energy level to get myself together. See my other post on self care – love the motto- “You Gotta Nourish to Flourish”.

There’s so much more of the talk that I won’t get into here- including adaptive strategies for both introverts and extroverts and how to embrace your natural leadership style. For more information feel free to reach out- this is a topic I love to talk about. Here’s another lesser known fact about introverts- if it’s a topic that interest them or they have a depth of knowledge about- they will talk your ear off.

Positive Thought of the Day: I believe I am successful today because I know myself and I am authentic about it. I would even argue that my strengths and success are because of some of my introvert qualities- being a good listener and observer and turning those into quality decisions and strategy have helped my career. I’m not sure just yet if the girls are introverts or extroverts- but I think both tend to be more introverted based on the energy/ stimulation criteria, although both are plenty social and #1 will talk to anything that will talk back. Can’t wait to see how it will play out with them and baby brother.

 

On Partnerships

Day 18:

Since its our wedding anniversary, I thought I would reflect on partnerships, marriage, and how we manage our chaotic life. Managing a household with two working parents ( and one that likes to always ensure we have “special side projects” like moving just because, selling a rental property, or insert other non-necessary item here) is difficult and we are far from perfect. Some days are a struggle to even get out of the house, some days we are the worst version of ourselves, and some days it all clicks and goes perfectly. I can’t even fathom what it will be like when I go back to work, but I do know that we will figure it out and do our best because we are in it together. Both Husband and I work together to make sure we get things taken care of, even if sometimes it may be less than ideal ( once  we  The Husband signed up for the fruit tray for a class party but forgot to buy it and bring it in. Frantically rushing to a meeting, I called him and told him to deal with it,  and his solution was to get a fruit tray delivered to the school). For the record, I would have never signed up for the fruit tray (rookie move – always sign up for non-perishables or paper products). Sometimes our spouses may not do things exactly the way we like, but they get the job done. I have to remind myself that I don’t micromanage my team at work, so I shouldn’t feel the need to micromanage the Husband as long as results are achieved. Instead of giving my take on our life- check out The Husband’s tips on how we are attempting to maintain a  50/50 partnership here, if you haven’t seen it already.

Positive Thought of the Day: I am lucky to have a partner that will change diapers, entertain the kids to give me much needed alone time, keep the kitchen counters cleared to keep sane, loves to cook healthy and delicious meals for the family, and on top of all of that is supportive of me and my career. I would not be able to do what  I do without him and for that I am grateful. Happy Anniversary!

The Paradox of Choice

Day 17:

The Paradox of Choice is the idea that too many choices can be debilitating or often lead to indecision. Do you know how to combat indecision? Have a kid ( or two or three or enter any other extremely chaotic and demanding thing needing your attention here) and give up the luxury of time to fret over decisions. Today I was faced with selecting a pair of glasses. The engineer in me wanted to do a ton of research, figure out the best frames for my shape of face, try them all on, compare prices online, and make a spreadsheet to compare all the options. The reality of the situation is that my clock was ticking since I fed the baby more than 3 hours before and had about 15 minutes to make a choice and get out of there or I was going potentially soak my shirt. With my liquid gold on the line, I tried on as many frames as I could, decided to not worry about the cost, and made a quick decision. I probably would not have been too hasty, except the reality of the situation is that I only use these glasses for night time wear and no one ever sees them, so the risk of buyers remorse was low.

I can draw a parallel to this in the workplace- when I have the luxury of time I will use it and often overanalyze and have trouble making a quick decision. Don’t get me started with how I plan my travel to make sure  it is “optimized” for cost, time, and my preferred airlines. However, when I am crunched for time or have too many important decisions to make it’s fairly simple for me to prioritize which decisions are important versus those of lesser importance and spend time accordingly. Barry Schwartz, author of the ‘Paradox of Choice’ stipulates that people need to become more comfortable with the concept of “good enough” and I completely agree. When faced with tough decisions, I often ask myself what level of effort will be good enough to give me an outcome that I can be satisfied with. Today, it was 15 minutes for a pair of glasses I wear for less than 4 hours a week and I’m satisfied with my decision.

Positive Thought of the Day: Today we celebrated National Night Out with our neighbors, we had a fantastic turnout. We are so lucky that the kids (and the Husband and I) have neighbors that they can call friends. Added bonus, just found out about Wine Down night and will be joining in this month and meeting some new neighbor friends!

On Bottles and Breastfeeding

Day 16:

Baby is now 3 weeks old. This is the time when research shows it is best to introduce a breastfed baby to a bottle. According to experts, you don’t want to do it too soon because you want to make sure baby has developed good breastfeeding habits or too late and it can be difficult for some babies to adjust. With babies 1 & 2, I followed this rule precisely like a good millennial mom who reads everything on the internet ( just kidding, I’m debatably a millennial and only a good mom sometimes). However, baby #3 had low blood sugar and I was super sick from the anesthesia and couldn’t breastfeed him for several hours so we ended up having to introduce formula and a bottle early on. The nurse seemed nervous to ask if it was okay to supplement with formula. Make sure my baby is getting nutrients that he needs—yes, I’m okay with it.

I breastfed, although not exclusively, with the first two babies for 9 and 6 months. Returning to work and pumping was HARD, even though I wasn’t in heavy travel roles and once I did start travelling again it really impacted my ability to pump regularly. My supply dropped during a trip to Europe when I fried the plug to my pump because I failed to take into account voltage conversion (science in everyday life.. something I try and point out to the girls whenever I can, but apparently failed to consider pre-baby). This was before readily available Amazon and I had no way to get new pump parts in time, so I hand expressed for the remainder of that trip. It is not easy to pump- especially out of the comfort of your house so I commend all moms committed to it. To moms pumping in bathroom stalls, cars, airplanes, cubes, or in other countries with a malfunctioning pump.. I feel you!

While I believe in the benefits of breastfeeding, as a working mom who is set to travel upon my first week returning from leave- I have decided that convenience, two other kids, and a significant career win out over the stress of pumping regularly and keeping up my milk supply which has always been difficult for me. Baby made the decision a little easier since he is a BEAST and wants to nurse non-stop which would have been a deal breaker for this on the go mom. Fortunately, baby switches incredibly easily between bottle and breast and doesn’t seem to have a preference. On the breastfeeding vs formula feeding spectrum, I’ve always been somewhere in between since I supplemented with both but admittedly I’m a little anxious about this decision to discontinue breastfeeding once I return to work. My anxiety isn’t so much around judgement from other mamas (why do we do that?), but maybe my advanced feelings of missing out on the incredible bonding experience between mother and child. Until then, I’ll enjoy breastfeeding as much as I can and attempt to stockpile breastmilk for the next 9 weeks. Unfortunately, this feels like a zero sum game because this guy doesn’t let me save much!

Positive Thought of the Day: Thankful for all the support on the new blog. Am excited to see where this goes. I have lots of ideas for future posts, stay tuned!

Security

Day 15:

Hit a security snag. My very own blog is not secure and my work laptop will no longer let me access it. So I ended up doing research on Secure Socket Layers and what I needed to do to be able to access my own admin portal on my blog site ( answer: pay more money). Fingers crossed I got it figured out, because it won’t work for me to not be able to use my laptop to write and post and this whole project may be dead three weeks in. [Edit: Prior to posting live, I got it figured out.. so Project Maternity Leave Blog continues!]

Positive Thought of the Day: Technology and google are amazing. I went down a rabbit hole about security but I got it figured out. And got comments working on the site too (another thanks to google). What did we do without technology at our fingertips?

Modern Boss Mama is Born

Day 14:

Today was a big day. I’ve been toying around with the idea of setting up an official blog site and today went ahead and did it. Wasn’t planning on it- but the baby was taking a nice long nap. I woke up this morning and selected a domain name, learned some basics on wordpress, and secured Instagram and email accounts for ModernBossMama. For now, this will be just a place where I document my musings and maternity leave activities but moving forward I plan to delve more deeply into topics I am passionate about related to being a mom and rising leader at work.

Why Modern Boss Mama? Some of the most frequent discussions I have amongst friends and colleagues are around trying to do it all- have a successful career, be present for family, and also try and have some fun in this crazy life. I do believe that you can have it all, but not always all at once as we often have to shift our balance and our perspective. Right now I am taking a little break from the career part and trying to focus on other parts of my pie ( see my work blog Perspective Through Pie) .

To celebrate ModernBossMama, we went out for our first family dinner and I told my eldest daughter who will hereafter be referred to as the Sassy One ( she is 6 going on 16) about it. She totally gets me as the Hubs made some comment and the Sassy One exclaimed in an exasperated tone-“ that’s what mom’s website is about”. Raising strong women ( and now a little man) is something I am mindful of and one day I hope they too will read this blog.

Positive Thought of the Day: Feeling proud that I took an idea from concept to something real.

Self Care

Day 13:

Spent the day on the phone, scheduling a variety of appointments I had been remiss on.

I haven’t been to the dentist or eye doctor in almost two years as work travel and the pregnancy made it difficult to make the time take care of me. Not too long ago, I cancelled an appointment day of because I was sitting on a plane ready to take off and forgot I was supposed to be at the dentist. It was already hard enough to go to all of my prenatal appointments, not to mention I had extra appointments because of my high blood pressure and ‘advanced maternal age’, but really there should be no excuse for taking care of ourselves.  It doesn’t have to be all boring or as traumatic as the dentist- taking care of ourselves can also be enjoyable. Today, I  also made an appointment for a facial, eyebrow wax, and a haircut.  Self-care is a necessity, not a luxury and something I spoke about at a conference last year. We working moms ( alright, all moms or maybe even all humans) need to pay attention to our bodies and take care of ourselves so that we can be the best version of ourselves for the people that rely on us.

Positive Thought of the Day: Looking forward to some self care next week!

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Cousin Crew

Day 12:

Today, baby J met his cousin who is one week older for the first time. We are incredibly blessed to have such a tight knit family. These kiddos are growing up with several first and second cousins ( which we don’t even delineate) because they are so close. So far there are 11 cousins in the cousin crew ranging from 11 to 3 weeks old, enough for a soccer/football team! I love that we have this incredibly network of family. To this day, we remain close with my cousins—we spent summers and holidays growing up ( and fighting) together. Hoping this continues throughout their adulthood and will be interesting to see what kind of antics these guys get into. Who will be the responsible one? The rebel? The leader of the pack?

Having family close by also means that we have an incredible support system. This is really important for work travel ( omg, how are we going to handle it with three kids), travel for fun ( which we don’t do enough of), and date night.

Positive Thought of the Day: Loving how tight knit the cousin crew is.s.

Inspiration

Day 11:

Hubs is back at work and today was the first day alone with the baby. We had a dr visit and he weighed in at almost 10 lbs (big boy)! I then took a little excursion to a friends newly opened store and the grocery store. J was good most of the trip, but I was reminded how difficult it is to travel with a newborn (and only one set of hands). We had to change diapers and feed twice in a two and half hour outing and he cried the last ten minutes in the car, which seemed like an an eternity.

I found some neat items at Honey & Hay that really resonated with me. One is the Giving Key, which is about embracing the word on the key and passing it along to someone who needs it more. The company that makes it employs the homeless so- BONUS it’s for a great cause. The word that called to me was inspire. I’ve been feeling inspired lately ( hello, blog and surrounding myself with inspirational people) and will be passing it along to a dear friend soon. I also bought this mantra band because balance is so important to me (as you will see it mentioned many times throughout my writings, already).

Positive Thought of the Day: Excited for my friend’s new store and all my friends pursuing their dreams.