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Not Just Another Manic Monday…

My mindfulness journey has been life-altering. As I sit here now reflecting this new state of being, I am in at what I awe at what I have not been seeing around me. My newfound mindfulness is the perfect pairing and complement to the yoga and daily journaling that I have been integrating into my weekly routine. Meditation is the balance and reset that this hurried, corporate mom of three has been needing unbeknownst to my purportedly self-aware sense. After ten years of feeling lost, I am here, present and ready now to continue my practice and work on manifesting more positivity and love into my life.

My mindfulness journey began because I wanted more tools in my toolkit for myself and some friends that I had been mentoring. I didn’t realize how much I needed mindfulness in my life or maybe I did and that is how I found my way right here to this moment. I thought the yoga, journaling, coaching, and therapy that I was doing was great but my connection to my divine being had been turned off over the years. I used to be more spiritually attuned but I lost that somewhere in my journey when I became so science minded, corporate and focused on other’s expectations of myself rather than my own happiness and being. I now feel more whole, more balanced, more present to be able to take on and just be.. and it is calming, powerful, and amazing. It is amazing how breathing in and out or starting my day letting it all go can change my attitude, emotions, and reactions to triggers and messengers. My biggest takeaway and gift to myself is repeating over and over:  It is okay to just be. We are all beings. Letting go of limiting beliefs has been some hard, hard work. As a mom of three kids, I am used to hard work, but this inner work has been grueling, scary, and daunting. Identifying triggers, labeling the emotions, clarifying the limiting beliefs or thoughts that caused the emotions, and working to affirm my feelings and reframe these beliefs has been a key milestone for my own inner work. I feel really good about managing my emotions now and am now working on manifesting ! A huge thank you to my personal mindfulness coach who has helped me – cant wait to see what next in the journey.

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Modernboss Travel

Traveling as a working mom while balancing three kiddos, a working partner, geriatric dog and our schedule jenga is not for the weak at heart. In a global role my travel is even more disruptive, but wanted to share a few insights on “how we do it” and some of the fun that also goes along with it!

  • We both minimize nights away if at all possible by taking early morning or late night flights.
  • We work really hard to not travel at the same time. In ten years I think this has only happened once. This requires communication and major schedule coordination.
  • We have a great network of trusted family and friends who are happy to lend a hand. I continue to try to reframe my feelings of guilt at asking for help to gratitude.

All that being said, I do love some things about work travel, besides getting work done of course !

  • Focused alone time. I get a lot of journaling and reading done when I’m not distracted by evening chores / chauffeuring. This crazy 6 day trip resulted in many journaling pages, a new linked in post, this blog, five books ready and inbox purged. let’s go!
  • Ability to explore new countries and cultures for work travel in the past 2 years I’ve been able to explore Spain, Ireland, India, Brazil, Mexico, Thailand, Singapore and the Philippines.
  • FOOD and experiences. I found a secret speakeasy in my hotel in Singapore that none of my colleagues knew about. I also like to sneak in a massage if I can especially when traveling on 24+ hour flights !
  • Business class flights. I’m a bougie business traveler, no doubt. But I’m not stranger to low budget airlines and family Nina has different travel standards. That being said for non business travel I do love the perks of my Priority Pass. I’ve used it often traveling internationally when traveling domestically in other countries or when United lounges aren’t available. More on travel soon as my new found passion is… travel hacking!
At the lounge in Manila, Philippines
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Modernbossmama Must Reads

A top question I get is for book recommendations. As an avid reader, I struggle when asked with so many genres to choose from so I’ll recommend books that have played a huge role in my leadership journey. These are books that I read and re-read when I need to, and are all earmarked, highlighted and scribbled on ( something that a young Modernbossmama would never do to her precious books).

Radical Candor Kim Scott

Key takeaway: Who doesn’t want to be a badass boss? it’s better to be candid than nice. Radical candor is what happens when you put caring and challenging directly together. Such a hard lesson for many women leaders and one I still have to work on. This book has great frameworks on how to be a better boss and colleague.

Fair Play Eve Rodksy

This book is all about sharing the mental load that many ModernBossMamas face and helping to find a more reasonable balance with your partner. I love the rules of Fair Play and the chapter on reclaiming your “Unicorn Space” the things outside of work/money/momming that makes us come alive. If you are experiencing an imbalance in the mental load, household responsibilities, go get this book NOW.

Multipliers Liz Wiseman

“Multipliers are the leaders that make people around them smarter and more capable. They create an atmosphere of genius- innovation, productive effort, and collective intelligence.” I like to create more with everything I can. Constant optimizer, multi-tasker ( polarizing topic), everything about this book got me excited. This book is a must read for all new leaders.

Dare to Lead Like a Girl Dalia Feldheim

Not to be mistaken for the queen Brene Brown’s Daring to Lead ( but also a great read), here’s the one for all my fellow Modernbossmamas who are trying to survive and thrive in the corporate jungle. Key takeaway: you don’t have to diminish your femininity in order to thrive.

What’s in your top five? Note that modernbossmama does earn commissions on purchases through the shared links. I also am fully transparent in my love for hardback novels for leadership , self improvement reads although I love my Kindle for mindless thrillers and beach reads.

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Reflections: 2023 Year of Me

Guess whose back? After a multi-year hiatus and far too many password recovery steps- ModernbossMama is back. The last few years have been a fog, a race on the hamster wheel, and can only be defined as chaotic, intense, and yet full of growth and increasing clarity. What more can you ask for?

While we shouldn’t compare our highlight reels- one of the most common pieces of advice I give to employees, friends, mentees is to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments. It’s so powerful and often times humbling in list format. So here’s my list of highlights from my 2023- “Year of Me” in no particular order. As you can see the scale is different for each of these, but that doesn’t make them any less important. Growth comes from reflection and intention.

  • Surviving the first semester of three kids in three different schools with different pick-up times. Thank you to the carpool friends and parent/grandparent tribe that have helped support.
  • Enjoying our first adult only international trip since kids . Our trip to the French countryside brings me to a place of calm, slowness, where people start the day with bubbly and savor their food.
  • Connecting and meeting people all over the globe in with my work- traveling to Mallorca, Bangkok, Mumbi, Pune, Rio de Janeiro, Sao Paulo. I love eating the local foods, understanding the cultures and getting to know people.
  • Accepting a position on the Caring for Cambodia board of directors and finding a way to continue to rebuild a country and a people that have been struggling since their education, economy, and country was decimated.
  • Honoring the life of my grandmother, bonding with family as we made funeral arrangements, and continuing to make memories with the kids and their grandparents and cousins.
  • Healing and rebuilding myself. Improved bloodwork, hitting bootcamps and achieving milestones I never thought I could (having a coach know your name at the gym, making gym friends, lifting weights), daily meditation, journaling, yoga, and intention setting. Yes, I’ve always been a little woo-ey and I’ve found my tribe for that too.
  • Letting go of perfection- ongoing and hard work. There’s probably a whole blog/book talk I could give on this one. It’s the toughest of all for us xennial, overachieving, TypeA, eldest child of immigrants, and survivors of trauma.
  • Raising children that are kind, witty, with just enough sass to make me feel good about their ability to survive ( positive reframe).

All in all- another great year for this modernbossfamily. But not because of the instagram stories, but because we’re just living our best, messy, loud lives and trying to make a difference in this world.

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A Week In this Working Mom’s Life

It’s been one year since the launch of the blog and I’ve failed at keeping it going after my return to work. I knew I wanted to post something today to commemorate and after some deliberation I thought it might be interesting to share a week of this Mom’s life- and all of the internal dialogue, reflection, and struggle that comes with it.

Sunday: Left at 5:45 am for a week of travel to make it to a golf outing with a customer that we’re trying to build a relationship with. Sounds fun, but prior to this, we had to have serious conversations about why Mom had to leave on Sunday as this breaks my rule of no Sunday travel whenever possible. I had to get all my snuggles and weekending in one day, ensure schedules are communicated (darn parent teacher conferences and dentist appointments, and figure out how to get golf and conference attire to fit in my carry-on.

Monday: Start of our biggest customer event of work. Long days from 7am to midnight or later depending on who you run into. Sneak in a facetime with the kiddos between the conference and ending the day with a big dinner in downtown Nashville with Canadian customers. Lots of engaging conversation around Canadian and American politics, while using a lot of buzzwords like IIOT, Digital transformation, Machine Learning, and Analytics. I feel smart and out of my league at the same time.

Tuesday: Meetings start prior to conference at 7 am again. I was part of the planning committee that brings a spotlight on Women in male dominant industry. This year we brought in Dr. Jen Welter to speak about her experience as a leader in another male dominated field of football. Big customer dinner that evening which I hosted and had to do a toast for. Although enjoying some career highs, I also experienced some mom guilt which always visits me on the third night away. It’s quelled by pictures of kids that are happy and alive ( yay-technology), and the fact that I have an incredible support system (Hubs packed lunched, played chauffer, and took the girls to the aforementioned dentist appointments) and my mom was over to help.

Wednesday: Another 7:00 am meeting start ( why?). More customer face time, one big negotiation, and several internal meetings.  My introvert battery is drained. Coffee is being mainlined, I’m breathing in recirculated air of a huge conference facility and hotel, and I’m more tired than when up all night with the babies but accept plans to go out to see live music anyways- because I can. Later that evening, as I look around the crowd made up of several of my colleagues and many of my employees, I have a proud mom moment with my work family- recognizing being a part of a strong team that challenges and respects each other and enjoys being around each other is a unique and special thing. I feel excited that I’m helping to build the future of the company (and the world), and that I can show them that you can work hard and play hard too (even this tired-ass boss mom of three can enjoy the moments.)

Thursday:I decided to leave early and get home to the family and some commitments, but not after a breakfast panel about supporting and advocating for women where one of my heroes participated and shared her story and perspective, followed by two more customers meetings (all before 10 am). Before leaving, I squeezed in another moment with a colleague turned friend who wanted to ensure she had time to check-in (very timely given the panel to start the day). Everyone needs people like that in their lives ( thanks, you know who you are) and it made me feel like I am doing something right. She made it an effort to connect and I felt better because of it, and was reminded to slow down because these connections matter. Arrived early to pick up the kids from their after school program and although happy to see me they were bummed that I showed up early (can’t ever win). My mom cooked dinner for the family, and it felt good to be home despite being wakened at 3 am by a sick screaming baby that doesn’t know you went to bed at 3 am the night before. Oh, the irony.

Friday:

I had a day of calls planned, a massage, lunch with the kids, and parent teacher conferences, but a sick baby J altered my day- and instead ended up figuring out a way to squeeze in a parent teacher conference during lunch and dropping some goodies off for the teachers ( gotta optimize the schedule and try and get some good teacher karma for when I inevitably forget what I signed up for), heading to the doctor, and taking some work calls with a screaming baby in the background. Tell me someone else has tried to type as quietly as possible to avoid waking the sleeping sick one year sleeping across their lap because they won’t nap in their crib and instead wants to be stuck on you. We don’t often get to snuggle all day, but I’m pretty sure its what the doctor ordered for both of us, and I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.

I enjoy being a career minded mom and travelling for work, I enjoy being a mom of three and all of the joys and challenges it brings, I am passionate about career development for my team and others, and I am constantly seeking to be a role model and to bring women’s issues and diversity conversations to the table. While this week was atypical, I feel like I was able to be all of these versions of me throughout this week. It’s not easy and many times thriving in one of the areas comes at a cost to another. I am not perfect and I can’t do any of this without help and support, but every day I get up and am thankful for the opportunity to be any one of these things.

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Happy Mothers Day to All Moms

This Mothers Day, I reflect on all things that have changed since becoming a mother ago 7 years ago.

  • A big night out is now happy hour, staying out past 9, or even walking to a neighbors house.
  • I used to love Dateline and murder mysteries. Now, when there are children involved, I can’t even watch.
  • When moms or dads die (or really anything sad happens- Mustafa dying anyone?) in movies with kids or apparently animals, I cry. A lot.
  • Parents Night Out at our local daycare/ gymnastics place.. Pre-mom or even first time mom me would turn my nose up at choosing to send my kids back to daycare for a 6th day. But it literally is cheaper than a sitter and also like an extended playdate that I don’t have to attend. Then comes the dilemma of dinner date night out, nap/Netflix for three hours, or running errands. Yep, life has changed, friends.
  • How much fuller, rich, and even simple life is when you experience it though the eyes of a child again, especially on your most cynical and worst days. Some of our best memories so far are simple days at the beach, playing games, or just laughing and enjoying time together as a family.
  • Perspective and thankfulness for my own mom and aunts. All of my mom figures worked, cooked, kept clean homes, entertain on a whim and sometimes even sewed clothes sans cleaning ladies, uber eats, curbside, Instacart or amazon or complaining). They really are superhuman. Today, all of them will watch any of my kids on a moments notice without blinking, no instructions required.

Motherhood is hard work. Harder than my hardest days sometimes, but it is worth it every day and I’m so grateful to get to experience it times three. To all moms out there, I see you and you’re doing great. And if you’re not, hang in there and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

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Goodbye

In a nod to a recent blog post gone wild, this Modern Boss Mama is saying Goodbye to Pumping everywhere. My Medela has been with me through 7 years of providing substanance to three littles, traversed several countries, and outlasted at least one fried plug. Little J had his last drop of breastmilk yesterday to celebrate 7 months. If you have been following along, you will know that this time around I had little intention of pumping once I was back at work, and so today I will choose to celebrate the 4 extra months of nutrition this little guy got and also lay out all the things I will not miss

I will not miss…

  1. Pumping in bathrooms. SO. GROSS.
  2. Pumping in my car on my commute home because.. meetings.
  3. Pumping with strangers in a supply closet at a conference ( FOR WOMEN!)
  4. Pumping in the airport.. sometimes having to go to a different terminal because not all airports have nursing rooms in all terminals yet
  5. Bringing back pumped milk and anxiously trying to figure out if TSA agents are going to question my 15-20 bags of pumped milk that I’m packing. Note: In my 20 or so trips I’ve taken with milk, I have never been questioned about carrying milk and have only ever had my milk tested once.
  6. Pumping in other countries (most recently Costa Rica), and having to dump ALL of the milk because they don’t have the same rules for transporting breastmilk when travelling without your baby. I’d probably at least have attempted but my Spanish is rusty at best after years of non-practice.
  7. Pumping in the middle of the night, instead of sleeping.
  8. Pumping in hotels room, in the middle of the night, instead of sleeping.
  9. Transporting my pump. Pump accessories. Cooler. Ice packs. Bottles of milk. Basically a bag lady, every day. My first day without all of this last week was so completely free-ing.
  10. WASHING.ALL. OF. THE.ABOVE.

Positive Thought of the Day: FREEEDOM!!!

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Becoming

I am becoming… a role model for other women. And for the two little women and man I have at home.

I am becoming… better at navigating the life of a working mom and mom to three children.

I am becoming… less guilt ridden when I do things for myself.

I am becoming… more honest with myself about both my shortcomings and strengths and working on how to grow by harnessing both.

Last week I had the opportunity to attend Michelle Obama’s Becoming book tour, which are a series of intimate conversations navigated by a moderator. The energy was electrifying when we entered the Frank Erwin Center, it was as if we were going to a Beyonce concert and not a glorified book interview, albeit with a former FLOTUS. The soundtrack was on point. The crowd was pumped and maybe a little liquered up. The estrogen was strong. I laughed, I cried. Here were the most memorable things to me during my ‘intimate conversation’ with Michelle..

“If they go low, you go high” This is how Michelle reacts in the face of negativity. We shouldn’t let people change who we are and bring out the worst in ourselves. This is one of those nuggets to remember.

“Marriage is hard. The hard work starts on your first joint project- raising a kid”. Wow, I never thought about raising kids as a joint project. Sometimes we may in our house, but we need to work on being aligned and partners in our parenting. Just like in a work project, an overall strategy and tactics are key . When the husband and I are not consistent then it yields less than desired results. These are tough times right now in our house. We have a now 7 year old that thinks she’s 17, a 5 year old that is all about tantruming over perceived inequities, and a happy go lucky 6 month old that just won’t sleep.

“Put on your Oxygen mask first” Preach! How many times have I said self care is important. You can’t take care of anyone if you can’t take care of yourself first.

Duality. Michelle talked about the duality in her life as illustrated by her conversation with her cousin who asked her why she talked like a white girl. I feel you. So often I’ve felt that I’m out of place, too white in the Cambodian world and out of place in the white world, sometimes in business. As someone who promotes the diversity of thought and ideas everywhere, I think its our job to embrace this duality and broaden the perspectives of those around us.

All in all, it was a wonderful evening shared with some of my neighbors.

Positive Thought of the Day: In this tough political climate, this book tour was not about politics at all but about becoming who you are meant to be.

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The End

Day 60:

Here I am posting on Day 60, 10 days later. If you were waiting with baited breath for a reflective and well-written post…. well then, move along.

Like many things in life, I had high of expectations of my third and last leave- but in after re-reading my posts I realized did a lot more than I ever did while on leave with the girls. This last quarter I have birthed a baby and a blog, spent tons of quality time with extended family, read books, watched movies, been pooped and spit up on many times over, went on a work trip, attended a conference for personal development,attended fundraising events for non-profits, hosted Thanksgiving for 50, completed a few house projects, scoped out our next house project, tried to pretend like I enjoyed cooking only to realize I much prefer eating, caught up with old friends and developed stronger friendships with new ones, kept the paper industry in business by receiving Amazon packages on the daily, had our family pictures taken twice, and probably organized every drawer in the house only to have them be messed up just in time for work ( because.. life).

It was exhausting and refreshing, fun and boring,  slow yet quick, hard yet easy… I am not ready to return to work but I am confident that I struck a good balance over the last three months.

So to the future working/ frenetic/ crazy version of me- remember the zen badass that you were on maternity leave and get through it. In times of stress, don’t forget the little beautiful things in life like a babies smell, first smile, or laugh.  And when you are really struggling or feeling unsure or helpless….. just own it like  you did when you were pooped on in public. 

Positive Thought of the Day:First Day of December really kicked off the holiday season and put me in a great mood despite the foreboding return to work.

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The Final Days Continued

Days 57-59

We enjoyed many maternity leave lasts this week. I say lasts, because these types of things will be less frequent once I get back into the work hustle.

  • Lunch with #1 per her request
  • Morning strolls with baby and dog
  • Shelves and bay window treatments hung
  • Started the holiday decorations and completed Hanukkah shopping and gift wrapping. Celebrating Hanukkah in our house has the added win of meaning I’m slightly more prepared for Christmas shopping. Yes, we celebrate both just for added stress and complexity.
  • Cooked dinner 4 out 5 days
  • Another shopping trip to Honey and Hay to get some coworker holiday presents

But mostly… snuggles, lots and lots of snuggles.

Positive Thought of the Day: The girls wanted to make sure that we were thinking about others this holiday season and both pulled names off trees at school to ensure that we pay it forward.

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