Category: Career

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Modernbossmama Must Reads

A top question I get is for book recommendations. As an avid reader, I struggle when asked with so many genres to choose from so I’ll recommend books that have played a huge role in my leadership journey. These are books that I read and re-read when I need to, and are all earmarked, highlighted and scribbled on ( something that a young Modernbossmama would never do to her precious books).

Radical Candor Kim Scott

Key takeaway: Who doesn’t want to be a badass boss? it’s better to be candid than nice. Radical candor is what happens when you put caring and challenging directly together. Such a hard lesson for many women leaders and one I still have to work on. This book has great frameworks on how to be a better boss and colleague.

Fair Play Eve Rodksy

This book is all about sharing the mental load that many ModernBossMamas face and helping to find a more reasonable balance with your partner. I love the rules of Fair Play and the chapter on reclaiming your “Unicorn Space” the things outside of work/money/momming that makes us come alive. If you are experiencing an imbalance in the mental load, household responsibilities, go get this book NOW.

Multipliers Liz Wiseman

“Multipliers are the leaders that make people around them smarter and more capable. They create an atmosphere of genius- innovation, productive effort, and collective intelligence.” I like to create more with everything I can. Constant optimizer, multi-tasker ( polarizing topic), everything about this book got me excited. This book is a must read for all new leaders.

Dare to Lead Like a Girl Dalia Feldheim

Not to be mistaken for the queen Brene Brown’s Daring to Lead ( but also a great read), here’s the one for all my fellow Modernbossmamas who are trying to survive and thrive in the corporate jungle. Key takeaway: you don’t have to diminish your femininity in order to thrive.

What’s in your top five? Note that modernbossmama does earn commissions on purchases through the shared links. I also am fully transparent in my love for hardback novels for leadership , self improvement reads although I love my Kindle for mindless thrillers and beach reads.

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Chasing Time

Here I am 28 days into 2019, and back at the work like it ain’t no thing. Except it is a thing. A really, really hard thing. There aren’t enough hours in the day, everyone is demanding, and I often forget or don’t have time to go to the restroom. But I wouldn’t trade being a working mom of these kiddos for anything.. except maybe being really, really ridiculously rich AND happy with the same fulfillment that my career gives me. Here are some tips and tricks I’ve picked up along the way that is helping me find some extra time in the day:

It’s okay to pay a premium for convenience. Instacart is one of my best friends. So far I’ve placed Instacart orders that have saved me upwards of 80 hours ( that’s like two work weeks, two weeks of vacation!) and the grocery fairy delivers to my doorstep. And best of all, I order while pumping so I’m also multi-tasking while order. Win-win.

A cleaning service is a MUST. I don’t need to spend precious family time being angry about the house not being clean or worse yet, actually cleaning. While I still clean some thing like the fridge, countertops, and the floors ( why, oh why are my floors always so dirty) as my mother in law says- “Paying to get your house cleaned is cheaper than therapy.”

House Rules When in town, work dinners are reserved for top tier meetings only. I may show face a bit for a drink, but I always am home to say good night and typically well before that if I adhere to my in-town dinner criteria.

Workout at work We have a small gym at work and free yoga classes are offered every single day. If I can sneak in a workout during the day either during lunch or end of day, even if for only 30 minutes without an additional commute, that’s another win. I still get home at a reasonable hour with slightly more calories burned and endorphins released.

Mobile Meetings My teams knows that the best time to catch me is in the car on either my commute into the office or home. If I can touch base with people in the time that I am driving (about an hour a day), it saves me an hour during “normal hours”. Safely and hands free of course.

One day, I’ll get wake up an hour earlier than everyone else at home to fully exploit the “magic hour”, but while the baby is challenging me in the sleep department currently, we’ll just have to call that one potential upside. What are your tips and tricks to get the most out of your day?

Positive Thought of the Day:  The husband took the girls to gymnastics, leaving me home with a very sleepy baby and I got a minute to catch up on chores and work and actually eat a non-rushed dinner at home. The extra hour was nice  (I really do enjoy cleaning and eating without distraction) and appreciated!  

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Texas Conference For Women

Day 45:

I started attending this event almost ten years ago in Philadelphia at the PA Conference for Women. It’s always a day filled with passion and energy of thousands of women and I always leave the conference ready to try out new strategies at work and ready to change the world. This year we were able to send 23 women from our company and it was fun to be able to share our reflections on the day afterwards.

Following the conference, my amazon account took a hit as I added several books to my already long reading list. While Reese Witherspoon was one of the keynote speakers and was great, Dr. Brene Brown’s urging us to be courageous leaders and to have the hard conversations resonated. She stated that “tapping out when things get tough is the very definition of privilege.” Whoa. I won’t forget that. Managerial courage is one of our leadership competencies at work and one that is an ongoing challenge. I also attended several other talks on killing complexity in the workplace and how happiness is key for success and not the other way around. Sorry team, if you read this, I’ve got several ideas I’ll be implementing in 2019.

Positive Thought of the Day: Thankful to my husband and mom for watching baby J so I could fill my bucket at the conference today. Also for private facilities and fridges at the conference for nursing mothers!

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Career Navigation

Day 40:

Been posting a bunch on family, balance, and non-work related items but I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the importance of navigating your own career ( this is modern boss mama for a reason). With more idle time for my brain, I’ve been really thinking about what I want to do with my career. Despite being pregnant this year, I have had some great discussions about potential opportunities.

I made it into the office this week with baby in tow, to show my face and my commitment to work (had been hearing some rumors that people thought I might not return) and also had a quick discussion with my boss about my intentions and career goals once I return. Several years ago, I would not have had the confidence to have this conversation (much less while on maternity leave) but it was healthy and positive. I give many people I mentor this bit of advice and thought it only fitting I should listen to my own advice- the only real person responsible for navigating your career is you. You may have sponsors, advocates, and mentors but they need your direction and input into helping you but you have to be vocal about what you want/need.

Positive Thought of the Day: Another fun filled and amazing weather weekend to look forward to!

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Work Travel Part 2

Day 28- 29:

I traveled for work this past week for a meeting of all the leaders in my company. Yes, I voluntarily chose to take time away from my newborn and participate in an executive level meeting that was good for my career. There are many who may judge me for this, and I even second guessed myself once or twice. Many have asked- and yes, I believe it was worth it.

First, as I mentioned before my support system is incredible and I had zero concerns with leaving baby with my husband. On a side note, it was amazing to me how many men asked me or just assumed that it was “grandma” watching the baby. Don’t forget I am married to a boss dad, too! My two biggest concerns in preparation for this meeting were the health of myself and baby ( in which case I would have cancelled) and his ability to take a bottle ( which has been a non-issue), so I went into the meeting with zero qualms about the baby.

Almost halfway through maternity leave, I felt like I was experiencing some brain atrophy from lack of use of my dura matter. The meeting jumpstarted my brain a bit and got my neurons firing again. Selfishly, it was a good awakening of my almost dormant career thoughts during my leave as much of the networking involved conversations about future roles, career, and overall company direction. I believe attending the meeting allowed others to see me as a strong and committed (I mean, I did attend while after just having a baby, via C-section no less) and gave me a peak into executive leadership at my company which was a great learning experience.

Yes, I missed snuggling baby and having our special time together, so I ate/drank those feelings with room service and a few drinks at the hotel bar. Joking aside, the meeting also gave me a new appreciation for the time left with baby and I will continue to make the most of it while I can as I have plenty of time to work when I return.

Positive Thought of the Day: Direct flights that minimize my time away from the family. These are few and far between for us, so it was nice to only have to spend one night away from the family but be in meetings for two days.

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Post Baby Work Travel

Day 26 & 27: ( Okay, now I’m cheating a little.. but its getting harder to keep up as baby stays awake longer and I am more active).

As a somewhat frequent traveler for work, I have perfected the art of minimalist packing ( carry-on only of course) and have only once had to Amazon Prime underwear to my hotel. You have to love modern day inventions. Packing for a work trip while pumping requires several additional items and careful wardrobe consideration:

Pump: For the breastfeeding mom, critical to keep up supply. Bag also doubled as my ‘purse’ where I threw in my wallet, chargers, notebook, and kindle. See minimalist traveler statement above. Although the pump is a medical device and doesn’t count as a carry-on, because I had a C-section I wanted to minimize items I had to physically carry.

Bottles, storage bags, cooler: To bring back milk. Careful calculation of how many bottles and bags to bring is important.

Easy access clothes for pumping: After a fashion show with an audience of one baby, I chose two dresses- one with buttons on top and one was made of a stretchy material. Blazer and sweaters for layering in case I got milk on my clothes and needed to cover it up.

Copies of TSA pump and breastmilk guidelines: Just in case. Type A and consummate worrier here.

Nipple Pads: Cannot spring a leak while having business conversations.

Hair straightener: Because after five weeks mostly in yoga pants or no pants at all, you want to look good for your work debut!

It took me a lot longer to pack than I care to admit because this mom was out of practice! I was so focused on making sure I didn’t forget any of the above that I completely forgot a jacket for STL in October- guess I’m not such a great planner after all!

Positive Thought of the Day:  My amazing family who will help watch the baby so I can attend my work meeting.

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Golf

Day 25:

I was supposed to play in our annual fun play golf tournament tomorrow, but ended up bailing once I realized even though you can be cleared for exercise around six weeks, a full 18 holes of golf just isn’t wise. A few weeks ago I googled- “how long after a C-section can you play golf” and the results were disappointing. The hits I received were all about MEN playing golf after their wives C-sections and no results on my actual query. Don’t get me wrong, I am no Michelle Wie.. I just wanted to get in a few rounds before going back to work but it made me want to share some of my experiences with golf.

I wish I started earlier.  I should have listened to my dad (are you following, Dad?), but being a moody teenager I wanted to do the exact opposite of what my parents recommended. I did dabble a little bit in high school and college, but had I kept up with it I would be a much better player today.

Be vocal about wanting to play. Let people know you play and would like to join in on leagues or tournaments. Once I started making it known that I played, I started to get more invitations. Many are VPs of my company and the thing is- I’m not good at all. I am just sure to not slow people down and try and play with people of the same philosophy- fun and friendly competition.

Stop worrying about people judging you ( unless you are a really slow player,  in which case I am totally judging you- I don’t have time for that and your shot isn’t getting that much better with all your practice swings). I used to not want to golf because I didn’t want coworkers to see me in a vulnerable state and I used to get really nervous about golfing with people in higher positions. But you know what, as much as you are worried about your game, they are just as worried about theirs. This is just a good rule in life, own your game and worry about you.

And my personal favorite ( anything that can allow me to effectively multi-task):

Golfing means less office work and more exercise. Who doesn’t want that? I tend to only want to golf during the week, and not on weekends because weekends are primarily family time. Making golf a part of business, means I can multi-task- get work done, get out of the office which is always good,  often catch up with friends, and have the added bonus of health benefits. Win-win-win!

Positive Thought of the Day: I am playing in a fundraising golf tournament at the end of this month and very much looking to enjoying my favorite Texas season and getting in a bit of a workout. Also, Spring Break vacay is booked !

 

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Confidence

Day 24:

23 days in and I finally missed a day of writing. Exhaustion from all day cluster feeding, dreary weather, and not getting out of the house got to me. But after a fussy day, baby slept well and I was energized for day 24! I felt confident today, starting the day with a lunch with a friend. It was a cool fall day and we sat outside on the patio while Baby slept the entire time (this requires impeccable timing and self- imposed stress to ensure that baby will be fed, clean, and sleepy for the drive to the restaurant) so that I could enjoy a nice adult lunch conversation with another fellow boss mama. Relationships with other people in similar stages in life are so important. I always love lunch dates with this boss mama because she is so relatable and supportive. We both embrace that working mom life can be messy, but are always are striving to do better. This working mom also got a  call from the assistant principal (your heart always skips a beat when the school or daycare number pops up, amirite?) to tell her that her son redirected a negative discussion into a positive one and I got to share her proud mama moment with her.

After lunch, running some quick errands, a surprise chat with our Chief Diversity Officer who is also a working mom- I was feeling accomplished, confident, like I could do anything. So, I braved taking all three kids out on my own- my daughter was performing at a halftime high school football game as part of a fun clinic she participated in. Again, I calculated precise timing of when I needed to feed baby, pick up the girls from school, make sure I found all the necessary items from the clinic almost a month ago ( where the hell was that hairbow?).  It was all going swimmingly. We were early, baby was comfortably snuggled in his carrier that I was wearing, and all three kids were in good moods. What kind of alternate universe was this? Until I felt it… something warm was on my belly and seeping down my pants. It was a diaper explosion and it wasn’t minor. Nothing like a poop incident to crush your confidence. What I’ve learned from having two kids is that you have to learn to roll with the punches, so I sat there for the game in my poo stained jeans and confidently cheered on my eldest girl on a nice fall evening.

Positive Thought of the Day: Today is the International Day of the Girl. Its mission is “to help galvanize worldwide enthusiasm for goals to better girls’ lives, providing an opportunity for them to show leadership and reach their full potential.”  I firmly believe it’s important for young girls to believe in themselves and be confident in their own skin, and have the confidence to become our future leaders. I am grateful that my children have extremely positive and incredibly strong female role models in their lives and hope this will foster strength in them to be good and do good.

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Introverts and Quiet Leadership

Day 19:

I posted about doing something that scares you recently and I want to talk about one that I  embraced head on- presentations and being vulnerable, especially in a work setting. My natural state is introverted and I’d rather create the presentations than present them myself. I decided a few years ago to face my discomfort head on and intentionally find opportunities to present. Since then I have presented on several all employee webcasts, leadership trainings where you are grilled in front of a mock board, and high level executive meetings to pitch ideas.

On a more fun note, one year ago today I presented at our annual users conference on embracing your natural leadership style, and specifically how introverts can be leaders too. The interest was surprisingly overwhelming ( two packed room sessions) and my co-presenter and I were asked to present our topic several more times since then. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that at a technology company full of engineers, there were introverts dying to learn more about leadership and finding camaraderie in others. So on my one year anniversary of this topic,  I thought I would post the highlights here for those introverts that might have an interest in the topic or the extroverts that might like some insight into the other half.

Up to 50% of the world is made up of introverts:  As such, we cannot afford to be missing out on ideas of a significant percentage of the population or only give credence to the louder half. Introversion/extroversion is now a part of the diversity conversation in a world that has trumpeted our more extroverted counterparts. Many of the most influential and creative people in the world are actually introverts- for example, Steve Jobs ( can you imagine a world without an IPhone) or Rosa Parks (critical in the civil rights movement). Embracing both introverts and extroverts is important for continued innovation and evolution of society. Quiet by Susan Cain is a great resource on this topic.

How One Recharges is the Key Differentiator between Introverts and Extroverts:  I am constantly surprised at how many people have misconceptions about introverts vs extroverts. You cannot necessarily tell an introvert from an extrovert by simply observing them. Many successful actors and seemingly gregarious people are in fact introverts. Extroverts have a preference for more stimulating environments, while introverts prefer less stimulating environments and require quiet to recharge after periods of a lot of activity. My personal test of where you are on the introvert/extrovert spectrum is what I call the Friday night test. On a Friday night after a long week in the office- do you want to go out with friends or prefer a night in? The fact that I prefer my Dateline or a book and to be alone ( read: no husband, no kids, no one talking to me) is a key indicator that I’m an introvert. But once my batteries are recharged- it’s game on and I can perform at my best.

Self-Care is Important, especially for Introverts: Recharging is critical to an introvert being able to be the best version of themselves and perform at their highest potential. We introverts need to pay attention to when our batteries depleted so we can recharge. During busy conferences I often make time for myself whether it’s a walk, coffee break, or even quick nap to recharge before I put my extrovert game face back on. When things get particularly “noisy” at work, I know I need some alone time to adjust my energy level to get myself together. See my other post on self care – love the motto- “You Gotta Nourish to Flourish”.

There’s so much more of the talk that I won’t get into here- including adaptive strategies for both introverts and extroverts and how to embrace your natural leadership style. For more information feel free to reach out- this is a topic I love to talk about. Here’s another lesser known fact about introverts- if it’s a topic that interest them or they have a depth of knowledge about- they will talk your ear off.

Positive Thought of the Day: I believe I am successful today because I know myself and I am authentic about it. I would even argue that my strengths and success are because of some of my introvert qualities- being a good listener and observer and turning those into quality decisions and strategy have helped my career. I’m not sure just yet if the girls are introverts or extroverts- but I think both tend to be more introverted based on the energy/ stimulation criteria, although both are plenty social and #1 will talk to anything that will talk back. Can’t wait to see how it will play out with them and baby brother.

 

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On Partnerships

Day 18:

Since its our wedding anniversary, I thought I would reflect on partnerships, marriage, and how we manage our chaotic life. Managing a household with two working parents ( and one that likes to always ensure we have “special side projects” like moving just because, selling a rental property, or insert other non-necessary item here) is difficult and we are far from perfect. Some days are a struggle to even get out of the house, some days we are the worst version of ourselves, and some days it all clicks and goes perfectly. I can’t even fathom what it will be like when I go back to work, but I do know that we will figure it out and do our best because we are in it together. Both Husband and I work together to make sure we get things taken care of, even if sometimes it may be less than ideal ( once  we  The Husband signed up for the fruit tray for a class party but forgot to buy it and bring it in. Frantically rushing to a meeting, I called him and told him to deal with it,  and his solution was to get a fruit tray delivered to the school). For the record, I would have never signed up for the fruit tray (rookie move – always sign up for non-perishables or paper products). Sometimes our spouses may not do things exactly the way we like, but they get the job done. I have to remind myself that I don’t micromanage my team at work, so I shouldn’t feel the need to micromanage the Husband as long as results are achieved. Instead of giving my take on our life- check out The Husband’s tips on how we are attempting to maintain a  50/50 partnership here, if you haven’t seen it already.

Positive Thought of the Day: I am lucky to have a partner that will change diapers, entertain the kids to give me much needed alone time, keep the kitchen counters cleared to keep sane, loves to cook healthy and delicious meals for the family, and on top of all of that is supportive of me and my career. I would not be able to do what  I do without him and for that I am grateful. Happy Anniversary!

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